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A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my frog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your frog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your frog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his frog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his frog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the frog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your frog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”
A maid was tidying up for a wealthy old man. On his desk he had what appeared to be a very expensive, brand new computer. She commented that he had a nice PC.
He looked frustrated and said, “Yeah, it’s top of the line, but I can’t seem to get any programs to run on it. You wouldn’t happen to know how these gizmos work, would you?”
She replied, “I’m sorry sir, I would love to help you, but I don’t do Windows!”
The maid, Maria, asked the woman of the house for a pay increase. The wife, not too pleased asks:
“Now Maria, why exactly do you want a pay increase ?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want more money. First is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: “Your husband, he say so.”
Maria: “The second reason, is that I am a better cook than you .”
Wife: “That is ridiculous ! Who said you were a better cook than me ?”
Maria: “Your husband, he say so.”
Maria: “My third reason, is that I am a much better lover than you.”
Wife (really furious now): “Oh, really! Did my husband say that as well ?”
Maria: “No Señora, the gardener. He say so.”
Wife: “So how much more do you want ?”
A woman hired a new maid last year but she wasn’t doing a great job. So she called her into the study and told her that she was sorry but was going to have to let her go. She tipped her an extra $20 and thanked her for her services. As she was leaving the maid threw a $10 bill to the family dog, Lucy. The woman asked the maid, “What was that for?” She replied, “Can’t forget my helper! Lucy has a great tongue, and always helped me do the dishes!!!”
On a new maid’s employment application:
Under Personal she wrote: I’m married with 9 children. I neither drink or smoke. I am extremely loyal to my present company, so please don’t let them know that I am available immediately.
Our maids have CDO. It’s like OCD but the letters are in the correct order!!
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, ” Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid”, said the woman. The maid says, “I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, “Well, this is his wife. Is he there?” The maid replied, “he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife.” The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?” The maid says, “What will I have to do?”
The woman tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he’s with.” The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?” The woman says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.” Puzzled, the maid answers, “But there’s no pool here.” A long pause and the woman says, “Is this 832-4821?”
A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, middle-aged man enters. He is so striking that the woman cannot take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her. Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20… But, on one condition.” Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
The man replies, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man’s hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, “Clean my house!”
Smith, who lives in a big house at Avery Ranch, goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore.” Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”